Friday, March 20, 2009

So incredibly difficult

It's over again just like last time.  All of the good karma like triggering on my dad's birthday proved to be nothing more than just another footnote in this soul-shattering journey.  I cried through the night, sucked it up and went to work, and called to schedule our IVF consult.  I even called my mom last night and confessed to doing IUI #2, something I had kept from her to protect her from the pain.  Oddly in her dementia-wrecked mind, she went on and on about Obama being on Leno and how smart she thought that was.  I lost count of how many times she asked if we had it on.  I patiently continued to say, "no" as I cried into the phone.

I feel bad for Pierce.  I know this is equally hard on him; however, I wonder if he has a chance to grieve when all of his energy is spent saving me from myself.  I often feel that our relationship is the only evidence that God hasn't given up on me.  I am so blessed to have met and married this extraordinary man.

I don't want to say much more about this cycle because it's over, it hurts, and now we move on. Our consult is scheduled for March 30.  I think that gives me just the right amount of time to pull myself back up without rushing into more emotional turmoil.  I'm more scared than I have ever been.  Thank you to everyone who has called, commented and given words of encouragement.  I can't imagine where I would be without the amazing circle of support we have around us.  Please keep us in your prayers.


  1. I am so sorry.Praying that your prayers are answered soon.

  2. Oh, Sunshine! What sucky, sucky news. I wish this weren't true. I was really hoping this was going to work for you and Pierce.

    I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I wish you the best as you pick yourself up and start down the IVF road. Marvy and I will be praying for you guys.

  3. You didn't break the rules!!!! I was refering to my long time friends in real life that I see on the weekends that happen to read my blog. I didn't want them to find out I was pregnant via the blog if that were the case. So, I asked them to not read for two weeks. I plan on doing that every treatment cycle, because dang it infertility isn't going to take away my ability to share a BFP one day with my friends on my terms!

    Anyway - thank you so much for your sweet note. It really means a lot to me. You know I think we live close enough to get together one day perhaps for a tea and chat? Email me sometime and let me know if you're interested. I'd love to give a fellow IF'er a REAL hug one day. :o)

  4. I'm sorry. This is the worst news, so heartbreaking. Your mom sounds a little bit like mine, bless her.

    Wonderful that your husband is so supportive. I truly hope the consult goes well for you both and you can get on the next cycle ...

    all the best, mate