Sunday, March 29, 2009

IVF Consult tomorrow

We have officially reached that point.  We need the biggest help available if we stand any chance of having a family.  It's hard to accept that we are broken.  I guess I prefer to think that while it's possible that we could conceive naturally at some point, I don't have the time or patience to wait for that dream cycle.  I do know that after we have a child we will never use birth control again.  I will definitely feel the need to test the theory and all the ridiculous claims about "relaxing".

In preparation for tomorrow I have read "The Couples Guide to In Vitro Fertilization" pretty much cover to cover.  I ordered it off of Amazon on Wednesday and was given an estimated delivery date of  the 31st.  It arrived two days ago, and I devoured it like a hungry animal.   As with so many things IF related, I was shocked at how much I already knew.  I probably would have been fine without the book, but for anyone else facing this scary possibility it is a good read.

So now I am just plain scared.  Scared that my eggs stink, scared of putting lots of drugs/hormones in my body, scared of going postal on someone at work and getting fired, scared of it not working, scared of spending all of that money and not having a child to show for it, scared that I will continue to grow more bitter and angry and distant from anyone who has a family, scared.....scared......scared!  I pray that our appointment tomorrow is helpful and brings me some much needed hope.

1 comment:

  1. Marvy and I prayed for you this evening. I'm happy to hear you are having your consult about IVF, although I'm with ya with all the feelings you shared. I really, really hope you have a great appt tomorrow and much success for you Sunshine!