Monday, March 9 Pierce took his sample the ARTS facility at 9:15. Around 11 we picked up our cup of 24.5 million swimmers and headed to the RE. We actually saw our RE for the insemination (relief!), but he was done in less than 5 minutes, wished us luck and left. I remember being excited last time. This time I laid on the table and cried. I am so scared of this not working. The first time I thought for sure it would work. Now I know that it definitely does not always turn out well. I really struggle with being negative because I do believe very strongly in the power of positive energy; however, my self-preservation instinct has taken over. I did develop some OHSS symptoms again on Tuesday. They were not nearly as bad as last time though. I did manage to suffer through work on Tuesday, even though it was nearly impossible to pick out something to wear that would hide my bloated belly. I slept hard Tuesday night and woke up Wednesday feeling completely fine. I will not have a progesterone test this time (would be tomorrow) because my test results were so strong last time that they are confident that my body makes plenty. My final step for this process is beta on 3/23, one week from tomorrow. That is assuming AF doesn't show her ugly face beforehand. Last IUI I was already on cd4 of the next cycle when we hit our beta date. All I can do is put it in God's hands. I know he has a plan for us, but he sure isn't offering up much insight. And as far as that not giving me more than I can handle thing, well I do believe that threshold has been about reached as well. I really don't want to turn into a bitter old woman!
In other news, it seems that I am the only person I know who feels that infertility or trying to conceive in general is a private topic. As evidence I will present two different scenarios that I have "witnessed" in the past week and have nearly made me want to bang my head on my desk or in one case, the dinner table. #1 My dear husband takes his sample in to be processed last Monday. While at the facility he runs into our neighbor's brother who we have met once at a birthday party. Now while all of the other dudes in the place are trying to hide their faces behind magazines, here is my husband, starting up a conversation with this guy and telling him all about how we are on IUI #2. I think I would likely be just as embarrassed if he brought up the fact that we were trying, and we had just had sex. I don't know that it's the procedure that bothers me so much as just the simple fact that IT'S NO ONE'S BUSINESS!!!! OK #2 This one is even better. One of my best friends was in town and staying at out house for a few days. This, by the way, is also one of my excuses for not blogging sooner. Anyway, she met this guy on E Harmony, and they had a date last Tuesday night. The date went well, and he asked if she would like to go out Wednesday night as well. He knew that she was staying with friends and suggested that all four of us meet for dinner. So we all agreed on a place and met around 7:30. Shortly after being seated, my friend started picking out a bottle of wine. Some discussion ensued about whether or not to get a bottle, and my friend told her date that she and I could finish a bottle ourselves. I quietly reminded her that I was not drinking, as we had discussed on the phone earlier. And she said, "Oh, that's right I forgot". She turns to her date and says, "Sunshine got inseminated on Monday!" as if she were announcing I got some great job promotion. OMG! Seriously? The next day she sort of apologized to Pierce, claiming she was drunk before she got to the restaurant. I've seen her drunk many times. Me don't think so.
Just to make this week complete, Pierce and I attended a baby shower tonight. This was my first one since the beginning of our journey, and it was tough. One of the things that made it easier to be there was knowing that this couple had a long difficult journey as well. I don't know how I would feel at a shower for someone who had it easy. I am sure I will get my chance to find out someday, but hopefully that day will come long after our babies are here. I don't really think that the birth of our babies will make me feel any different about fertiles because I will always know that I am an infertile no matter what. I am pretty sure that feeling will never go away. Part of me knows that that will make me a better mother, and although I wish we had never had to go through any of this hell I know I am a stronger person. I am able to smile through a baby shower and hug the pregnant girl while my heart breaks inside. I am able to go to work and run my department even after AF shows up that morning, and all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry. I am building so much character that sometimes I think there should be two of me: Sunshine and Rainstorm. The only one who really gets to meet Rainstorm is Pierce. I guess since he puts up with that, I can forgive him for outing us to the neighbor's brother.
I promise to try to write more often. It does get rather lengthy when I go in these week-long intervals. As I said earlier, I haven't obsessed much this cycle, but usually I don't start until the second week. I pray this 2ww has a happy ending.