Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Not my usual leisurely day off

After working 7 days straight (I reach my pain threshold at about 5), I was really looking forward to sleeping past 6 AM.  Unfortunately, I felt obligated to peel myself out of bed and go in to work for an early meeting given by a vendor who had flown in from NY.  I do hope my dedication is being noted when I need to ask for time for IVF.   Speaking of said IVF, I told my boss yesterday and gave her an approximate time frame of events.  I was concerned that she might find my timing not in line with the needs of the business.  Remarkably, she was totally fine and supportive about the whole thing.  Maybe they are planning to let me go....hmmmm...I sure hope not!

After the quick meeting I drove home, picked up Pierce, and off we went to meds instruction.  We didn't get Favorite Nurse this time, but Second Runner-Up seems to be warming up to us and did a great job.  I am a little fuzzy on prepping the Menopur, but I am sure we will manage.  PIO shots continue to terrify me, and no one tries to sugarcoat it.  Yes, they are painful, they suck, you will bruise, it is necessary for your baby, OK I'm in!  I do find it moderately amusing that the nurse will draw circles on my backside with a Sharpie, so Pierce knows exactly where to stab.  Awesome!  My assistant at work is addicted to Sharpies.  I think if I told her about this, they might be ruined for her!

After meds instruction we went to Whole Foods to check on wheatgrass shots (drinkable, not injectable!).  After enlisting the help of 2 associates and pulling some poor guy off of his break to locate these things in the freezer section, I decided those things are ridiculously overpriced! Normally, I would buckle under my self-imposed pressure and purchase them after engaging half of the staff in my search, but I just had to walk away.  Too many expenses right now.  Now if they were Girl Scout cookies, then we would be on to something.

After the wheatgrass misadventure, we went out for a nice lunch at a favorite restaurant that I don't believe we have enjoyed since my birthday last summer.  It was long overdue!   The weather was  perfect, despite temps in the 30's this morning...Welcome to Texas!, and we sat on the patio.  This is not negotiable with me.  If it's not patio weather, we can't go there. Period!

Tonight we drove back to the hospital for our orientation.  One poor girl, who works in the lab and I am sure is brilliant, gave us a blow by blow of the entire embryo development process. Her power point presentation was great, but I was very distracted by the ummms and stuttering.  I feel like I am throwing stones here because I am certainly not a great speaker, but I felt a little like she was recruited to do this presentation at the last minute and wasn't completely prepared.  Despite this minor issue, I found the hour fascinating.  One point that I was really happy to hear was that we shouldn't put too much stock in the grading of our embryos.  Apparently, excellent blastocysts do not always result in pregnancies, and poor quality embryos have been known to make some perfect babies.  I am always excited when I learn something new and something positive!

I am trying very hard to remain positive.  It seems silly not to, but the more I read about IVF the more I realize that it is not perfect.  I have said several times that this is a one-shot deal for us due to the cost, but according to both IVF books I have read there is a real chance it won't work the first time.  I am supposed to prepare myself for this reality.  One book went to so far as to say that if you only have the means for one shot, then IVF is not the best choice.  I am seriously considering not picking up that book again.  I don't really know what we'll do if this doesn't work.  It's too painful to consider.  It is amazing how this journey has brought us to this place that I never thought possible.  One year ago, I knew I was frustrated with trying to conceive, but I wasn't in panic mode yet.  I knew we had an appointment with a great RE coming up in May.  And at that appointment, he outlined a plan with IVF as the final step before donor eggs.  I remember thinking, "We will never do IVF.  We will never be able to afford that.  Something else will work."  Yet, here we are.  My cousin told me that we would never know how far we would go unless we were put in the situation.  All I can say is, she was right, and we are in deep.  Dear Lord, we need you now more than ever.

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