At the close of the meeting, she stood up straight and revealed a not incredibly obvious but unmistakeable bump. I excused myself to run to the ladies room. Safely inside the stall my head fell in my hands, and the tears started the race down my cheeks. Work is supposed to be my safe place where I don't have to think about this crap. I'm good at what I do and well-respected there. How dare insecurity and failure invade the only place where I still know who I am. Infertility can't take that away from me, or can it? I should have stayed in bed.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Should have stayed in bed
It's official: I have become one of those of those crazy trying-to-conceive women who can't handle a random drive by pregnancy announcement. If I hear about it second hand or over email or in someway that does not put me in direct contact with the happy knocked up lady, I have time to process the information and respond accordingly. But when I am blindsided by my boss, congratulating another one of my superiors who is sitting next to me in a meeting, that is an entirely different story. It wasn't a specific congratulations, and I even considered that perhaps I was paranoid and slightly ridiculous to assume that all goofy-smile congratulations =Baby on Board. However, my instincts were correct.
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I'm sorry. That is very difficult.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I thought I'd just let you know that I have put out an APB for Sunshine's Infertility Monster and am fully planning on kicking it's @$$ when I find him.
:o)
I'm too bitter and jealous and tired that I may not even congratulate them by email or anything. If the woman has struggled, then that's a different story. If she is a stranger or is instantaneously impregnated with a stick baby, that's a whole different story. It's definitely my issue, not the problem of the (millions & trillions) of pg ladies out there. Guess I'm just crazy.
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