Wednesday, February 25, 2009

If you build it...

It seems I have neglected my little blog for far too long.  I have been really distracted lately. Probably a little depressed, not wanting to do anything.  I had 3 days off from work and can honestly say that all I accomplished in 3 days were 2 grocery outings and 1 trip to the Dallas Museum of Art to see the King Tut exhibit.  In the spirit of not wanting to do much (I am not completely out of this funk yet), I am going to hold out on my obligatory Octo-Mom bashing until further notice.  In a nutshell, I am hoping that the world does not have an unrealistic view of IVF after this total fiasco.  It is shocking to me how little the general public knows about ART, and I have a tremendous fear of Nadya Suleman, an unmarried, unemployed, mother of 14, becoming the poster child for IVF.  It's a total embarrassment to those of us who actually have our lives together yet need assistance to create that precious little person that continues to elude our infertile bodies.  I hope her babies are taken from her and adopted out to families who can love them and afford to raise them properly.  I hope her doctor never practices again. :::stepping off of soapbox:::

For the past 16 months that we have been trying, I have done everything to avoid the yellow room.  Anyone who knows me IRL knows the yellow room.  It's the bedroom next to ours.  The people we bought the house from used the room as an office, and it was painted a very dark, almost navy blue.  We changed almost all of the paint in the house within 48 hours of closing. Our bedroom went from gray to sky blue.  The front bedroom went from gray to a cool beige/peach.  And the navy office became the gender-neutral yellow nursery-to-be.  When we moved in to the house there were no questions about my fertility.  I proudly told everyone that the yellow room was the nursery, and when they asked when we would be trying my response was, "Right away!"  Ugh!  So old, yet so naive.  

So over time the room became "the place you put the stuff that has nowhere else to go right now but will have a better home soon".  Not only did we not have a baby, we had given birth to a room full of crap!  Pierce starting asking me if I wanted to put up wainscoting and chair rail in the room, as we had discussed many optimistic months ago.  My response continued to be a very unenthusiastic, "I don't know".  The next thing I know the crap has disappeared.  At this point I am getting annoyed.  Finally I asked, "Why are you doing all of this?"  And his response reaffirmed to me that there is absolutely no one else on this earth that I could ever go through IF with.  "I just think that maybe if we get things in order, and the baby can see that we have a place for him or her, then we will get pregnant."  Huh?  I have spent months worrying about doing anything like that for fear of jinxing us, and now he wants to do the complete opposite. Well, we won't be buying a crib beforehand, but I think I can respect the baby's space and keep the extra stuff out of the yellow room.  My mom has been all over us to drive home and pick up my old cradle.  I haven't wanted to, but not having it here hasn't helped me get knocked up. Maybe there is something to the Pierce plan.  Maybe the baby needs to know there is somewhere for him/her to lie down.  I am requesting vacation in May for a road trip home.  Maybe we'll actually need the cradle by then...if not the cat will love it!

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're back. I have continued to include you in my prayers.

    Pierce sounds like an awesome hubby. I'm sorry you have a room in your house that has caused you such sorrow where is was intended to bring you joy. It's so terribly hard. I really hope that your baby finds you soon.