Thursday, December 25, 2008

Silent Night...

One year ago today I said goodbye to my dearest friend, Sweet Baby Boogins kitty.   We had been married for about 6 weeks, and I had been living through my usual 6 day a week retail fog.  Pierce and I had only been ttc for 2 cycles at that point, so I had yet to become bitter and concerned about the future of my fertility.  We went out for dinner after church on Christmas Eve and returned home to find our sweetie struggling to stand up, not eating her food, and whimpering in pain.  I still have not forgiven myself for not coming straight home from church that night even though I am certain it would not have made a difference.  I held her in my arms and cried.  She was 16 years old and suffering, and I hated that there was nothing I could do to help her.  We had been together since I graduated from college.  She had lived in 4 different states, had 10 different addresses, and most recently had a really great new daddy.

Christmas morning I woke up to find that she had not moved since the night before.  She was curled up in her bed just as I had left her.  Pierce tried to comfort her and give her some water but to no avail.  My baby was dying and I knew it.  I told him that we had to take her to the emergency animal hospital and so we did.  They rushed her in and examined her, and the doctor came back with a bleak prognosis.  I made the only decision that I could, a decision that I was not prepared to make but knew it was the only unselfish thing to do.  We said goodbye to her on a sterile table as her heart stopped beating but eyes remained open.  My heart was broken. This was the little kitty that I lost every day in my closet when I moved to Chicago when I was 21.  The one who stayed in so many hotels along Route 66 as I moved to Arizona with my first husband and the one who cuddled with me on the floor when he and I would fight and I would tell her, "Someday it will be just you and me". And she would purr in acceptance.  And she did sleep next to me when my divorce was final and I was inconsolable.  She loved Pierce.  He made her so happy.  She was very smart, sweet and precious.  We had 16+ wonderful years, and I will cherish those memories for the rest of my life.

One year later, the pain is less but Christmas is still not the same.  The cremation service gave us a candle to light in her honor and a poem to read about animals crossing the Rainbow Bridge.  I am sure this is some nondenominational Heaven reference, and as a Christian I know that she is there with all of the others who have gone before me.  Tonight we lit her candle and remembered the one who brought us so much joy.  You will never be forgotten, my little one. Rest in Peace, Sweet Boogins baby.  Mommy and Daddy hold you in their hearts today and always.

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