Not my usual leisurely day off

After working 7 days straight (I reach my pain threshold at about 5), I was really looking forward to sleeping past 6 AM.  Unfortunately, I felt obligated to peel myself out of bed and go in to work for an early meeting given by a vendor who had flown in from NY.  I do hope my dedication is being noted when I need to ask for time for IVF.   Speaking of said IVF, I told my boss yesterday and gave her an approximate time frame of events.  I was concerned that she might find my timing not in line with the needs of the business.  Remarkably, she was totally fine and supportive about the whole thing.  Maybe they are planning to let me go....hmmmm...I sure hope not!

After the quick meeting I drove home, picked up Pierce, and off we went to meds instruction.  We didn't get Favorite Nurse this time, but Second Runner-Up seems to be warming up to us and did a great job.  I am a little fuzzy on prepping the Menopur, but I am sure we will manage.  PIO shots continue to terrify me, and no one tries to sugarcoat it.  Yes, they are painful, they suck, you will bruise, it is necessary for your baby, OK I'm in!  I do find it moderately amusing that the nurse will draw circles on my backside with a Sharpie, so Pierce knows exactly where to stab.  Awesome!  My assistant at work is addicted to Sharpies.  I think if I told her about this, they might be ruined for her!

After meds instruction we went to Whole Foods to check on wheatgrass shots (drinkable, not injectable!).  After enlisting the help of 2 associates and pulling some poor guy off of his break to locate these things in the freezer section, I decided those things are ridiculously overpriced! Normally, I would buckle under my self-imposed pressure and purchase them after engaging half of the staff in my search, but I just had to walk away.  Too many expenses right now.  Now if they were Girl Scout cookies, then we would be on to something.

After the wheatgrass misadventure, we went out for a nice lunch at a favorite restaurant that I don't believe we have enjoyed since my birthday last summer.  It was long overdue!   The weather was  perfect, despite temps in the 30's this morning...Welcome to Texas!, and we sat on the patio.  This is not negotiable with me.  If it's not patio weather, we can't go there. Period!

Tonight we drove back to the hospital for our orientation.  One poor girl, who works in the lab and I am sure is brilliant, gave us a blow by blow of the entire embryo development process. Her power point presentation was great, but I was very distracted by the ummms and stuttering.  I feel like I am throwing stones here because I am certainly not a great speaker, but I felt a little like she was recruited to do this presentation at the last minute and wasn't completely prepared.  Despite this minor issue, I found the hour fascinating.  One point that I was really happy to hear was that we shouldn't put too much stock in the grading of our embryos.  Apparently, excellent blastocysts do not always result in pregnancies, and poor quality embryos have been known to make some perfect babies.  I am always excited when I learn something new and something positive!

I am trying very hard to remain positive.  It seems silly not to, but the more I read about IVF the more I realize that it is not perfect.  I have said several times that this is a one-shot deal for us due to the cost, but according to both IVF books I have read there is a real chance it won't work the first time.  I am supposed to prepare myself for this reality.  One book went to so far as to say that if you only have the means for one shot, then IVF is not the best choice.  I am seriously considering not picking up that book again.  I don't really know what we'll do if this doesn't work.  It's too painful to consider.  It is amazing how this journey has brought us to this place that I never thought possible.  One year ago, I knew I was frustrated with trying to conceive, but I wasn't in panic mode yet.  I knew we had an appointment with a great RE coming up in May.  And at that appointment, he outlined a plan with IVF as the final step before donor eggs.  I remember thinking, "We will never do IVF.  We will never be able to afford that.  Something else will work."  Yet, here we are.  My cousin told me that we would never know how far we would go unless we were put in the situation.  All I can say is, she was right, and we are in deep.  Dear Lord, we need you now more than ever.

Meds, paperwork, and embryo custody?

The week of work and not obsessing is coming to a close.  Tuesday's med instruction and hospital orientation are weighing heavily on my mind.  Thursday it only took a five minute phone call to the Apothecary to learn that my IVF meds will total $3,570.35.  That's actually less that I had thought they would be, and I told the pharmacist this.  She seemed shocked.  I think I have completely lost any concept of reality when it comes to the cost of this.  If I allow myself to think about all of the girls who get knocked up for free, I will continue to get more pissed off. So expecting my meds to be 5 grand and learning they are only 3,500 is fabulous.  We will be expecting our box of fabulous on Tuesday, the 14th.  Thankfully, Grams has already sent installment #1 of Baby Sunshine's funding.

Last night I started sifting through the folder of paperwork the hospital gave us.  I hate reading consent forms and learning every imaginable complication that could befall me!  I also really love signing papers that say even though I am giving you a shitload of money,  you are in no way responsible for the outcome of my treatment.  I mean really!  However, the craziest paperwork of all was that pertaining to cryopreservation of embryos.  As with everything else, they assume no responsibility for loss in the freezing and thawing process.  Mkay..... And Pierce and I have to decide the future of our frozen embryos in the event of our deaths or divorce.   Whoa, there will be none of that.  For the sake of paperwork, we have decided that I receive custody of the embryos if this perfect marriage should fail.  I mean, I am the one with the uterus.

On Friday in the middle of all of this stuff, it looked like my body might be gearing up to ovulate.  I was in complete shock!  I have never had o problems before, but my body forgot how to do this the cycle after IUI #1, so I assumed it would follow suit this time around.  I could not get home from work quickly enough!  I was convinced that it was a sign from God.  This was our ultimate Hail Mary cycle, and IVF wouldn't be necessary.  Well, it is now Sunday, and I don't think it ever happened unless my thermometer is whacked.  Who knows.  I wasn't expecting it, but it sure would have been nice!

IVF Consult/ Done!

I don't have the energy to go through all of the details tonight, but it has been a very full day.  In a nutshell, we will be cycling in April with an estimated egg retrieval the first week of May.  It looks like the RE prefers 5 day blastocyst transfers, so we can freak out for 5 days until we see what the good ones look like.  We will be doing what I believe to be the antagonist protocol.  I am not taking birth control pills or doing Lupron shots, so there will not be any suppression.  I will simply wait for my dear AF and begin stims of Follistim and Menopur on cd2.  Ganirelix will be added into the mix at some point to prevent the lead follies from ovulating too early.  Then after embryo transfer, I will begin the joyful giant PIO in the ass shots.  All I can think of is Charlotte on Sex and the City with that giant bruise on her back side.  Of course it will all be worth it when Baby Sunshine becomes a reality!

We have many appointments between now and then, and I will keep everyone updated.  First thing is our meds instruction a week from tomorrow, followed by our ART facility orientation that same evening.  I work every day between now and then, so that should help keep the obsessing at bay.   But just a little fun obsessing to get me through....if AF arrives on April 20, Baby Sunshine's due date will be January 25th.  If two little embies snuggle in tight, we may have Christmas babies on our hands.  And, with our potential ET/ER dates, I very well could have our embabies floating in my uterus for Mother's Day.  I know it would be too soon to actually be pregnant, but somehow just knowing they will be in there makes the day more tolerable.  OK, done obsessing....much better than my negative side though, right???